Some Days You Just Don’t Believe It

August 26th – 10:26pm

It’s weird for me to sit down and write at night.  I feel like crying. I’m not sure why. I’m having a hard time tapping into these emotions right now and identifying them.  I don’t like it.

I just took a shower, also weird because it seems I never shower nowadays.  As I was digging out something to wear to bed (not my favorite jammies, but other jammies, jammies I’m a little uncomfortable in as I’m sittin here writing), I looked at my August goals.  It’s the end of the month and I’m struggling to remember what they even were.

I hit success club.
I have a successful coaching business and provide value to others.
I follow the Lord and ask him daily to show me the way.
I am a kick ass wife and mom.
There’s one I’m forgetting…

I stared at my goals and thought – “There are just some days you don’t believe it.”  Today is one of those days.

Why is self doubt taking over?  I have such negative thoughts flowing through my mind today.  I literally looked at that board and thought the complete opposite on every single one of them.

I suck at coaching.
I don’t know how to ask the Lord to show me.
I’m certainly not a kick-ass wife and mom because I can’t seem to pull myself together enough to be that.  

I’m fighting the tears as I’m thinking these things.  It’s painful. Painful because I feel them, yet I know these thoughts are not true.  Painful because I know God wouldn’t put these sorts of thoughts into my head.

Self-doubt.  The imposter syndrome.  I’m literally thinking, “What kind of coach can’t even follow her own advice?”  I feel like an imposter. An imposter that encourage others to eat #veggiesmost and #waterfirst and totally ate grapes, strawberries and peanut butter for dinner tonight.  An imposter that encourages others to be consistent and really commit to their goals and falls short on the very things she’s asking others to do.

It’s hot back in this room and I’m itchy from bug bites.  And that too, makes me want to cry a little. I’m so damned irritable tonight.  I’m going to go put on my favorite jammies – even if they are dirty.

Dirty jammies and a little bit of anti-itch stuff on my bug bites.  That’s a little better. I should go to bed. Oh yeah – and that other goal on my goal board in my closet… “I am present.”

I am present.

That’s not happening either.  I feel like I’m spinning my wheels trying to be present everywhere and not being present anywhere.  Perhaps that’s my problem.

And – g’night.

Ninja Hormones

I’m feeling about 100x better than I did when I woke up.  Ugh!

I could feel my wrists throbbing in the night last night as I slept.  When I woke up this morning, I wanted to just cry. On top of that, I had a piercing pain in the middle of my back toward the left side.  On top of that, I sabotaged myself by not cleaning the bank last night. “I’ll do it in the morning” – I told myself. Bad. Idea. Because you know what? I NEVER want to do anything out of routine in the morning.  I want to wake up, grab my breakfast out of the fridge and sit down and hang out with God for a little while. When we’re done hanging out, I close my book and put on my shoes because it’s time to sweat. THAT’S what I want to do in the morning.  Not vacuum and take out the trash.

When I got back from the bank, I had such an attitude that for whatever reason, I decided it was the time to go through my closet and get rid of things.  One full bag is going to the Agape Shop. Another full bag of trash. But ohhh no… It didn’t stop there. When I got back from dropping Samson off at daycare, I threw out the trash in my car.  Picked up the deck. Then came inside and immediately started taking things out of my cabinets in the kitchen. Another full bag of trash for the bin. My minimalist attitude is really kicking in.  

Drew walked in.  I warned him that I was probably either pregnant or about to start my period because I felt like my hormones were going wack.  Like little ninjas in my body forcing me to throw things across the house and scream and cry. He stood there with a deer in the headlights look as I told him about the childish temper tantrum I threw earlier this morning.  I proceeded told him I wanted to throw out all of the Tupperware and buy new Tupperware, which he was completely on board for because he HATES my Tupperware! I wanted to get rid of the plates and bowls we had and buy one set.  4 plates for him. 4 plates for me and four bowls. That’s it. I also wanted him to hang up a shelf that he said he’d do tomorrow. 🙂 I kissed him goodbye as he left the house to mow Greg’s yard wearing his mowing hat, a cut off pearl snap shirt and KU basketball shorts.  He’s the best!! And now that I’ve successfully thrown out 3 bags of trash and donated another trash bag full, I can finally sit.

So here I sit with my peach green tea mixed with natural calm magnesium because Lord knows I need it today.  Wondering if I should stay and get more done… or if I should throw on my swimsuit and head to the lake and read.

The lake is calling my name. Bye.

 

Through a Phone Camera Lens

Have you ever seen something so beautiful… something that you stop and stare at…simply in awe of God’s beauty?  You want to capture the moment, so you get to the spot with the best possible view, put your car in park, get out your phone and snap a picture.  You want to capture God’s beauty then share it with the world. You’re so excited to capture this moment and see God’s beauty over and over again… anytime you want because it’s now saved on your phone!  Then…you look at the picture. And it’s just ok. It simply does NOT showcase God’s amazingness the way you see it in real life.

This morning I dropped Samson off at daycare and headed back west.  The brightest, fullest moon was peeking around the Glen Elder water tower.  I had to see what this looked like over the lake, so I drove a little further, crossed the dam road and parked my car.  How GORGEOUS! God is awesome and it’s gonna be an awesome day!! Of course, I got my phone out to take a picture and the scenario described above played out.

As I turned my car back around and crossed the dam road again, (saying dam road makes me giggle…dam road) I pondered.  How often are we in the moment, enjoying what is around us, loving it and soaking it in? Then we want to save it forever so we get out our phones and it’s just not as good anymore.

God’s beauty is all around us.  A beautiful full moon. A smile from someone you love or even a stranger.  Simple conversations. Amazing coffee. Answered prayers.

Are we wholeheartedly enjoying these moments?  Is anything ever better through a phone camera lens?  Is saving these moments forever better than enjoying them in the present?

Life in Quarters

I’ve been all over the place lately.  This is something I would’ve previously seen bad quality.  Before, I’ve felt guilty about it. Flaky. Being all over the place made me feel overwhelmed and super self-conscious. What do others think when I’m all over the place doing all these things and everyone else seems to have their ‘thing’? Why do I care? Lately, however, I see it in a new light.

Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.

Nowadays, I’m ALLOWING myself to be all over the place.  The difference this time around is that I’m actually engaging in things.  I’m proud to be all over the place. I’m embracing it. I’m loving it. And I truly feel like I am letting the Lord lead me.  When I don’t know which direction to go, I go to Him. Somedays that is easier to remember than others.

 

But here’s the thing – I tend to dip in a ton of things and then FREAK OUT when I have too much going on, so now I am being more attentive to the fact that I get easily overwhelmed.  I asked myself, “How can I be all over the place and still have focus?”.  I answered myself, “Think about your goals in quarterly terms.”  What do I want to accomplish this year and what are my focuses each quarter?  No longer am I letting someone else’s business run me. I AM the business. A business with goals. My goals. My way.  Let’s break it down. 

Red-haired, Center-part Shannon

Life In Quarters

 

 

 

 

 

Change your habits, change your life.

Q1: Jesus. Workout. Read.
Three habits I felt would change my life if I just did them.  Everyday.  I even wrote them on my to-do list for a good while just so I could cross them off when complete.  Yes – I’m one of those weird people that will write something down just so I can cross it off! Ahhh…it just feels so good!

Jesus:
“Spend time with Him.  Everyday. It’s that simple.”  This was a quote from one of the audiobooks I listened to this year.  (Uninvited or Cultivate) On an ideal day, this meant reading my devotional, writing a little and praying.  But as we all know, not all days are ideal. Other days it meant listening to His message – either from a podcast or audiobook – while I drove Samson to daycare.  

Of course, there were days when Jesus didn’t happen…I’m far from perfect…but what I realized is that the longer I put Jesus off, the less likely I was to spend any time with him.  And I needed this time with him! After all – I have no idea what I’m doing with my life! Only God does!! So I sure as hell should make it a point to ask Him! After a few days of merely passing by Jesus, avoiding eye contact, while I pretended to be busy on my phone, (yeah… you know what I’m talking about) something had to change.  

That’s right people – I woke up earlier.  The oldest trick in the book. Instead of doing my workout first, I had my coffee date with Jesus.  Reading his word. Thanking Him for the continuous blessings and asking him to lead me!

Workout:
But crap!! If I spent my mornings with Jesus, when am I going to find the time to workout!??!  I love working out in the morning! I don’t want to give that up! And my inner mind said, “What’s more important, Shannon?  Workout out? Or Jesus?”. We ALL KNOW the right answer here. But how often do we choose it?!

I’d find time over my lunch break or in the evening once Samson went to bed to fit it in.  I thought it physically impossible to workout at night. I proved myself wrong.

And again – there were days that I missed.  Days I didn’t get it in and didn’t feel guilty about it.  Days that I did it, but hated it. And days that I felt like I could take on the world.  Regardless, most days I got it in! And on those days, I felt better. Better than the day before.  Better mentally. Better physically. I felt like I was making progress toward the best-version-of-myself.

Sometimes the most important thing you can do is just show up!

Read:
I feel like if you ask almost ANYONE, their goal is to read more.  “I just want to read more.” or  “I love to read! But I feel like I don’t have time.” None of us have time.  But all of us have time.  The same amount of time even.  Priorities.

That was the old me.  But the new me, the red-haired, center-part me, makes time for her priorities.  The new me has Goodreads on her phone to track my reading progress!

But I had to be honest with myself.  I knew if my goal was to read 15 minutes a day, I would likely not succeed.  Even 10 minutes seemed like a stretch. But 5 minutes? I could do that. Even at the end of a tiring day.  I could do 5 minutes. And 5 minutes a day was more than 0 minutes a day. On some days, it literally was 5 minutes.  On other days, those 5 minutes turned into 20 or even 30 minutes.

I also decided to sign up for an Audible subscription.  My first thought was “Fifteen bucks a month? Really? Do I really want to spend my money on an Audible subscription when I can just read books?  Do I even spend enough time in the car to get that listening in? Do I even retain the information?”  Not as well as a book that I read, but I still absolutely get something out of it.  My goal now is to finish one audiobook a month and one book-book a month.  So far, so good!
2018 Books Read:  

• Savor: Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are
• You Are a Badass:  How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
• The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That REveal How to Make Your Life Better (audio)
• Love Your Life, Not Theirs: 7 Money Habits for Living the Life You Want (audio)
• Giddy Up, Eunice: Because Women Need Each Other
• Cultivate: A Grace-Filled Guide to Growing an Intentional Life (audio)
• Get Over Your Damn Self: The No-BS Blueprint to Building A Life-Changing Business (audio)
• Retire Inspired: It’s Not an Age, It’s a Financial Number
• Rise and Grind: Outperform, Outwork, and Outhustle Your Daymond Way to a More Successful and Rewarding Life (audio)
• Resisting Happiness

Do you have any idea how accomplished I feel that there are 10 books on this list already and it’s only Q1?  I should probably get some fiction in at some point.  My John Grisham book whining to be opened!

Q2: Meditate. Go to bed. Enjoy the Summer.
It’s the end of March, which is also the end of Q1, and I am just now starting to think about Q2.  Not a super bright life-business decision.  But I guess it’s better than not thinking about it at all. Where is my focus?  What are my goals? What are a few more life-changing habits that I can take on in addition to the three from Q1?

Meditate.
My mind is drifting toward meditation.  In my all-over-the-place fashion, I’m in the middle of three books right now.  Two of them have mentioned meditation as life-altering.  I’ve also experienced the life-altering-ness of meditation first hand.  So 10 minutes. I will find 10 minutes to sit and breathe.

Go to bed.
Go to bed, Shannon.  You’re tired. I literally fall asleep on the couch at 8pm.  Wake up to walk to bed and waste time either on my phone or watching netflix or something until 11pm.  It sure would be a whole lot easier to wake up at 5am if I just went to bed and slept, rather than wasting time doing wasty-time things.

Literally what I’m thinking:

Enjoy the Summer:
Looking back on the past summers, we have NOT enjoyed them!  One of them was downright the shittiest summer of my life thanks to Wyatt E.R.P.  So this year – it is my priority – to LOVE summer!  To embrace it! To go to the pool. To go to the zoo. To go to the lake. To explore. To ENJOY.

Q3: TBD
Let’s be honest.  Who the hell knows where I’ll be by July.

Q4: TBD
It’s interesting to even think about October.  My guess is Q4 will contain things that I haven’t checked off my list the rest of the year.  I want to write a book. I’m not saying it’ll be a good one. I want to do a CrossFit competition.  I want to be around people. I want to have meaningful conversations.  

I want to continue to go where God leads me.  Step. By. Step.

I don’t KNOW what my dream job is!

At the beginning of the year, I got a new manager at work.  To get to know me better, he sent this little survey thing with candy bars on it.  I made it a point just to answer quickly and off the top of my head.  One of the questions was “What is your dream job?”  To which I responded half yelling – “I dunno, Scott!  I just want to be around people and have meaningful conversations!”

I just kept thinking about this over and over.  And over.  Currently, I was spending 8+ hours a day in an office by myself.  And meaningful conversations?  I mean – really – you can pull meaning out of any conversation.  The conversations I had with my customers that were completely unrelated to apparel were my favorite!  So how can I find something that allows me to have more of those conversations?

I just keep pondering these two things.  How can I be around people and have meaningful conversations?  This is what I want in LIFE!  Or at least I think so.  So simple, right?  But how the heck do I go about it?

Last year, I wrote this on my vision board: Clarity comes from engagement, not thought!  Thanks, Marie Forleo.  I need to stop just THINKING about it and get some DOING done!

I’ve always loved Gayle’s determination and positivity.  I’m just naturally drawn to her.  She inspires me even when she doesn’t know it.  She encourages me when I get feelings of self-doubt.  She pushes me to stay on my personal development journey even when “life happens.”  What if I could be this person for somebody else??  Oh, how I would love that!!!

My reading this morning was from Ephesians 2:10.
For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  

Followed by this question: When have you felt like you were doing what you came to do?

What do you suppose my answers were?

• *When I get to be around people, sharing my energy, connecting with them, being inspired by them and visa versa.
• *When I share my stories and get a “Me too!!” or “That’s exactly how I’m feeling!!”.
• *Oddly, when I’m cleaning or organizing things – we’ll get to that later! 🙂
• *I just love helping people by using the gifts God gave me so I might inspire others to know that change is possible!! All the while reminding myself the same thing!!  Because Lord knows we all have to be reminded!! Again… and again.

So that is why I started my Coaching Adventure!!  It was HARD to get the courage to finally make it known that my Facebook feed was about to start getting a lot more action.  But then I remembered how consistent I’d seen Gayle posting and that I was never annoyed by it.  I was inspired!!  She’d been doing it for months before it was my time to reach out and I’m so glad I did!

In the first few weeks of making my new adventure known, I had so much fun connecting with people!!  People I wouldn’t have normally talked to.  Reconnecting with my college roommates, high school classmates and even people I’d never even actually met in person!  Learning about where they were in their health journey… in their life journey!  What they were doing to stay healthy and be better humans all around!  I genuinely LOVE these conversations because we can ALL learn from each other!!!

I called Gayle and said, “THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!!!!”

My hope is that whoever you are, wherever you are, you are making yourself better!!

Everyone has different ways of doing this and if you’re anything like me, the “Let’s do this!” attitude sometimes comes and goes like waves.  If you’re looking for a different avenue to stay motivated, to workout, to eat healthy, reach out to me.  If you’re looking for a good book to read or how you can even find the time for that, reach out to me!  If you’re looking for a different avenue to use the gifts that God gave you and are interested in the coaching opportunity, reach out to me.  If you have no reason at all, but just want to say “HI!”, reach out to me!!  I will be so jacked to hear from you!

Today I Took a Shower

Today I took a shower.  Literally and Figuratively.

Let’s talk about the fit I threw at 2 o’clock this morning.  Yes, fit.  A slight temper tantrum.  I’d just fed Samson around 1:30 and put him back to bed.

The poor guy has been sick the last few days.  Boogers all over the place and running a fever.  No flu, thank goodness, but he’s got an ear infection and a little bronchiolitis.  All week, after I attempt to suck all of the boogers out of his nose while he screams bloody murder, I put him down and pray he get some rest and feel better in the morning.  Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights were long!  By Thursday, I was a full-on Mombie.  To add to the extreme exhaustion, I was stress eating.  Shoveling spoonfuls of peanut butter into my mouth, full-well knowing that peanut butter gives me a headache.  And why stop there when my husband has all of these delicious chip options in his cabinet?  It’s not like I didn’t have healthy options, because I did.  I have yet to figure out how and if I will ever be able to control this stress eating monster and I feel like I should give her a name!

Back to the story – after sucking Samson’s snot and laying him down last night, I went over the game plan with him.  He was going to sleep sleep sleep all night – all the way until 6:30 in the morning.  Two hours later, he decided that was not the plan.  Then again and again.  I must’ve been sleep-momming because I really don’t recall much.  I know I fed him around 1:30am.  He seemed fine so I laid him down and went to bed.  A few minutes passed and I thought I was in the clear.  Nope. Not in the clear.  There he goes again.  I dramatically throw the covers and get out of bed.  I turned off the monitor…ever so gently… by throwing it on the floor so it came unplugged.  Flipped on the light in the bathroom with the door wide open so I could find my damn slippers thinking if I had to be awake, my husband sure as hell should be and went on sleep-momming.  I wasn’t mad at Samson.  I wasn’t mad at Drew.  Neither of them did anything wrong and I probably would’ve been up if Drew woke up with him anyways.

What I realized is – this is how I get when I don’t make it a priority to get my ME-TIME in.  I get grumpy and resentful and throw fits.  Some will argue that your family comes first, but how can I take care of my family if I’m not taking care of myself?  Sometimes ME-TIME is 5-10 minutes and sometimes it’s a luxurious hour or two.  Either way – it’s purposeful and refreshing.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning and drug my ass to CrossFit.  I knew if I left it up to myself to workout later in the day, it probably wouldn’t happen.  I got my grocery shopping done, came home and took a shower for the first time since Monday.  Wow… that’s gross.

I showered off the workout, the negativity & the bummer week and decided to move on.

He Reassures Me

God is so funny sometimes.  I only notice it when I’m close to Him.  When I put him first and make it a priority to check in with him daily.  Only then is his sense of humor revealed to me!

He reassured me twice this morning.  And I giggled to myself about it.

I opened up the new devotional that my mom got me for my birthday this morning.  For whatever reason, I had told myself I’d start this devotional on February 1st.  I couldn’t just start it at the end of January.  That would be weird, right?  But this morning I woke up and Jesus Calling was back in my office from yesterday and Savor was conveniently sitting next to the recliner, so I picked it up instead.

Psalm 23:3  He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake.
“Just keep moving, keep walking, keep taking teeny tiny steps.  In those teeny tiny steps and moments, we become who we are.  We don’t arrive.  We become.”

Ya damn right!

Then, on my way to Glen Elder to take Samson to daycare, there He was again!  Reassuring me that my leap of faith is RIGHT!  

I listen to audiobooks on those short drives.  I just finished one and started another.  Cultivate by Lara Casey.  Lara says, “There is no guilt needed when times of overload press in.  There’s just grace and an opportunity to shift.  When life changes, which it often will as we grow, something has to shift or overload occurs.  If we resist change, our lives resit us until we let go.”

“God help us to know when you want us to say no and what we need to let go of in order to make room for your good fruit to grow in our lives.”

Yesterday, I took a leap of faith and put in my two weeks.  GTM has been a great place for me for the last seven and a half years.  It’s where I started my career just out of college, learned how to sell without fear, learned how to connect with almost any type of person, learned how to get things done, learned how to get through the roughest year of my life thanks to a super-shitty software change and all-the-while, put together thousands of sparkly outfits for the teams that I worked with.  Really… the list can go on and on.  

My customers are the best part.  

• Seeing that 7511 number pop up on my screen, knowing who is on the other end and that she’s about to say “SHANNON!!!!  HEY GIRL!!! HOW ARE YOU!!?!?!”  and she’ll end the conversation with “OH SHANNON!! I JUST LOVE YOU!  YOU ARE THE BEST!!”. How would anyone NOT love that?!?!

• Designing endless sparkly Disney outfits and recitals tees.  Hearing your stories of when you leave for Disney at 4am you stick your stuffed Simba through the roof as you pull out to the opening song of The Lion King.  I also know that you don’t like to hang-dry your towels.  That they must go in the dryer!

• Meeting you for the first time in Tampa to drink wine and eat shrimp!!  Feeling like we’ve been close friends for YEARS!!  Thanks for inviting me to your Vegas wedding!

• Getting to work with two other Shannon’s who are equally as cool as I am!

• The life conversations about kids, marriage, life & such that happened in between getting your team set up!! Making the cutest little onesies for your baby girl to wear to cheer camp!  Auughh!!

• Calling and calling and calling you.  Thinking that you’re ghosting me, but then you finally call back and we talk like we’re old friends!!  And you trust me with all of your apparel – and practically your life!

There are so so so so so many more stories just like this!!  So many of my customers have touched my life and most of you I’ve never even met in person!  I am beyond blessed to have had this time to connect with you!

It is time for a new chapter.  I’m not yet sure what this chapter holds, but I know the Lord will show me the way.

Just a little perspective

From the journal of Shannon Duskie – November 15th @ 7:36am.

Yesterday, it was rainy and gloomy, but 50 degrees, so I went for a run.  It felt FABULOUS!  It was so great to get out of the house!  Great to clear my mind!  Great to see God’s beauty!

After mile 2, I stood out at the edge of town.  I bent over and put my head through my legs to stretch.  I kind of like looking at the world this way.  Everything turned upside down.  From a different perspective.  I hung out there for a minute and a few thoughts came to mind.

God is beautiful!  Even on the dark and gloomy days.

Perspective can change anything!

 

Don’t make me unfollow you!

So you ask – “WHY SHANNON??  Why did you do this?  I’ve literally unfollowed all of those BB Coaches, Rodan & Fields, Plexus, etc on Facebook…and now…that’s going to have to include you!”

Well peeps – in September 2017 – I was on the struggle bus.  I LOVED going to CrossFit in the mornings, but with a 4-month-old and other priorities, wasting 40 minutes of my morning driving to and from was not the best option anymore.  I was giving myself excuses to eat like an idiot and not workout.  I just didn’t feel good about myself.  I mean – c’mon!  I was going to be that mom the bounced right back! HA!  

Then I see Gayle was over here…about to have another babe…quittin’ her job…rockin’ her workouts…and posting a ton of shit about it.  Finally, I reached out and said “OK – tell me about this Beachbody stuff!”  So she told me all about it!!!  And I totally ghosted her!!  Even after she followed up a few times.  “OK,” I finally told myself, “I need something, so let’s do this.”  

I was hesitant because I thought this “accountability group” she spoke of was on Facebook.  I pretty much hate Facebook notifications.  Facebook is NOT my preferred method of contact or accountability.  I just didn’t see how this was going to do anything for me.  But I learned that the challenge was NOT through Facebook – but rather – another app.
Because I’m a questioner – I don’t necessarily NEED accountability.  But I loved the messages that Gayle was getting across.  

PUT YOURSELF FIRST.  THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF IS THE BEST VERSION FOR YOUR FAMILY.  BE A BETTER PERSON.  DON’T QUIT!  TRUST THE PROCESS!!  IF YOU WORK AT IT – YOU WILL REACH YOUR GOALS.  SOMETIMES THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS SHOW UP!

These are all things I NEEDED to hear at that time in my life… and let’s be honest…do you ever NOT need to hear them over and over and over again? (and over and over and over)

And meal prep?  Come onnnnnnn.  You expect me to plan a whole week’s worth of meals?  I can barely think about tomorrow.  Plus, all of these fancy-ass recipes have shit in them that I’m going to go to the grocery store and ask about and get a ‘deer in the headlights’ look from the employees.  Tempeh?  What the eff is that?  But whatever…I did it.  My mom helped me the first go around.  And guess what?  Just like anything else – it gets easier and easier.  And now – I frickin’ love it.  I don’t do anything fancy – but it’s nice to not have to use up any willpower thinking about what the hell I’m going to eat.  And I literally eat a chicken salad every day for lunch.  And will continue to do so until I get sick of it.  But I just really like that!

You want me to spend how much on a frickin’ protein shake?  Gayle – I’m NOT out of debt yet!  No way in HELL I’m going to continue to spend 130 bucks on that.  But whatever – I’ll try it because the challenge pack comes with all of that shit – containers, year’s access to workouts, the book & shake.  Yah Yah – that’s a good deal.  Seriously – the best protein shake I’ve ever tasted – mixed with water!!  Yes…WATER.  While I was breastfeeding, I was a hungry monster!  It actually filled me up and kept me full for hours.  And say whaaaa? I can magically turn it into brownie batter?  Hellz yea.  I also LOVE the vanilla flavor and my cravings are much less often with it!

I HATE working out at home.  I’d so much rather go to the gym where there are no distractions and I don’t have to stop mid-workout to a crying baby.  But whatever – I’ll try it.  Even if that means I do have to stop mid-workout and go back to it.  Which really didn’t happen as often as I’d envisioned.  My false belief of “I don’t want to disturb my husband.” turned into “Whatever…he can deal with 30 minutes of me doing this.”  Which turned into me convincing him to do it with me this month – something I thought WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.  Turns out it’s a helluva lot easier to convince myself to press play than to convince myself to wake up, start my car, get dressed, think about if that tank top is too tight to wear to the gym, get in my cold-ass car and drive to the gym and then wonder what the hell I’m going to do when I get there.  I press play and Autumn tells me what to do.  And when I’m done, I take a half-assed shower and go about my day.

So this is my story, friends.   Unfollow me if you wish – know that the posts are coming.  Reach out to me if you’re intrigued.  I’m not going to sell you any shit you don’t want, but if you want to drink the kool-aid (or Shakeology, I guess), I’m here and I’m ready to rock!

Insanity & Change

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

How many years now have I been insane?  For years now, I’ve felt in my heart that it is time to move on.  I’ve given myself false beliefs of why I cannot.  We are not out of debt, so I need to keep the job that I have.  I’m never going to find anything I like this much that pays this well in the area, so I’ll just play it safe and stay here.  Plus – I do like what I do – most of the time.  My gut…The Universe…God…whatever…has been telling me this isn’t my spot for years…. But it’s also not bad…. So why change?

In 13 days, I turn 30.  I’m not where I thought I’d be at 30 years old.  I had a vision of what I wanted when I was 20.  I wanted a good job, that I was the bomb at, with opportunity to move into management and basically just make a lot of money.  As my twenties progressed, my vision changed again and again.  That vision turned into another vision and another and another. Then I questioned my visions, because I question fricken everything.  What do I want??  

What I know.  What I know is that I truly have learned to love the simple life.  I love taking walks with my family and my dog and not having to pick up Abby’s poop.  I love never having to waste time figuring out where to park when I want to go somewhere.  I love the simplicity and the calmness and the kumbaya of it all.  I appreciate businesses being closed on Sundays…even though that means planning in advance if I want to do a weekend project.  But…if I don’t…there’s usually a friend who has what I need.

What I know is that I want to be around people.  The energy I derive from simply seeing other humans in person is kind of perplexing to me.  When I drop off and pick up my son at daycare.  When I work at the country club, when I go to the bank, when I go to CrossFit, when I sit at the kettle and drink coffee.  I love talking to people, watching people, being in the presence of people.  It makes me smile.  It makes me happy.

What I know is that I LOVE a good-hearted, deep, meaningful conversation.  This is how this earth connects.  This is how we grow as people, connect as people, find meaning.  I’m down for deep conversations with people I barely know or with people I know super-well.  I especially love them with ‘my people’.  I love hearing others’ stories and I love being able to relate to them.  These conversations are best had over coffee and wine.

WHY NOT???

I JUST WANT TO SEE IF I CAN…

These are mentalities I’m making a priority this year.  You are a Badass has been sitting on my bookshelf since August.  I finally picked it up at the beginning of this month.  Some books can be life-changing.  A few years ago I read “The Total Money Makeover” and “It Starts With Food”.  These books changed how I view money and food and I’ve changed for the so-much-better as a result.

CLARITY COMES FROM ENGAGEMENT, NOT THOUGHT.  -Marie Forleo

This is another quote that’s been hanging out on my vision board for a year.  I need to stop just THINKING about what I’m going to do to change and start doing.  WHY NOT?  So what if I fail?  At least I’ll have ENGAGED rather than just THOUGHT about engaging.  

As a ‘questioner’, I question myself constantly.  My motives, my thoughts, my everything.  “Is this really what you want, Shannon? Or is that someone else’s dream?”  “Can you really do that, Shannon?  Are you sure?  Just because someone else can do it really well, might not mean that you can.”  “Do you really want to spend your time on that?”  I get caught up in the questions, then fall back into the INSANITY of doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for change.

Well, this is the year – my friends.  I’m going to stop being insane.  Yes – I might be all over the place, but whatever, I guess.  I’m going to try some things and I’m going to do some things.

IN ORDER TO KICK ASS YOU MUST FIRST LIFT UP YOUR FOOT.  – Jen Sincero.

With that being said – my first adventure is to share with you – is that I am now a Beachbody Coach.