What a strange. Very strange day.
Full of ups and downs. Ups and downs.
No VPN. VPN. No phone. No power. Restart.
Power on. Answer 1 email. No connection. Restart.
Power on. Hit power button with foot. Fuck.
Big fake mustache from the dollar store to bring laughter instead of tears.
Something that smells good that reminds me to breathe.
More technical problems.Therefore, a haircut.
Then the massage chair. Ohhh the massage chair.
1 good hour of productiveness.
Pants. Real pants. If jeggings count. They do in my case.
It’s boots and scarf weather today.
Ringneck ranch. Welcoming LMC 17.
I just love those people!! Tonight was so great!! I was so grateful to be out at the ranch enjoying the company of some super awesome people!! Smiling. Getting energy from others. I just LOVE it.
A few special notes. While eating dinner in the kitchen, two of my LMC classmates shared with me a little about what they’d gone through to get their children. Though I never wish this on anyone, in that moment, I was so grateful for the short conversation about it. I felt so…not alone. Somewhat in the norm. This blog has done so much for me in the sense that I am not afraid to share what I’m going through for fear that it may make someone around me feel uncomfortable. I am happy that most people I encounter already know what Drew and I are going through and I’m not afraid to talk about it anymore. Most times, I can even talk about it without crying which is a huge step. It’s not weird! And it’s OK to talk about it! I can absolutely feel the sense when people do find it awkward. And I don’t care. Maybe something someone else talks about makes me feel awkward. Though let’s be real…you’re going to have to try pretty hard to make me feel uncomfortable. Life is full of awkward uncomfortable things. Big deal.
To the men at the table – thank you for your kind words! Most of those who have reached out to me have been women. To know that men too are reading what I’m writing and can also relate is comforting. Each new story I hear gives me hope. Most people only think about the women when it comes to infertility, but there is a whole other side that does not get told. A few times I’ve heard, “Well I bet your husband doesn’t mind the trying part!” I brush it off. The fact is, it’s hard for them too. I think it would be such and interesting perspective if I could get my husband to write on the topic.