Where I don’t belong

There’s something about finding where you don’t fit that feels good.  Gets you closer to where you do fit!

This was the feeling I got at 1:15am last Saturday night as I was sitting on the patio at a bar in Westport with my besties.  This was a humbling realization.

The whole last week of July was fun, exciting, adventurous!!  We left Charleston Wednesday afternoon and had a short layover in Charlotte.  I sat down next to a businessman who was probably in his 60s.  The warm temperature near our gate sparked a small conversation.  He was headed home to upstate NY and I was headed  home to the Little Apple I told him.  We talked about different cities and he told me how he really liked Nashville and Greenville, SC.  I agreed!  I wished him well and boarded my flight.

I thought about Charleston and how I didn’t particularly fit.  Several things about my five days there made me grateful for random things.

Each morning, we had a short drive to the convention center.  Just a few miles…but in five lane traffic.  It’s crazy to think that this is someone else’s normal.  I am grateful for my 10 second commute to my office and the 20 minute commute with light traffic and minimal stoplights while in Manhattan working in the office.

One evening, I ventured over to Shem Creek for dinner following a suggestion from a local.  As I arrived in my shiny rental car, the parking lot was packed full and there was a valet line…I don’t even know how to use valet.  I wondered on past Shem Creek to Sullivan’s Island and ended up in a little joint called Taco Mamacitas where I ate delicious tacos in peace and drank a $10 margarita.  I am grateful that I never have to think about where I can and cannot park and if I have to pay for it.  I appreciate making my own damn margaritas. Jose Cuervo. Lime. On the rocks. With salt. Thank you.

There were no sidewalks near where we stayed in North Charleston.  When I was in Greenville for the same clinic last year, I found these cute little trails close by to run on in the morning.  I couldn’t find anything right around the corner like that here and I get claustrophobic in hotel fitness centers.  On the 4th evening in Charleston, I found Wannamaker County Park.  I went running/exploring and it was nice, though they charged me $2 to do so.  I appreciate the fact that Abby and I can walk all over the streets of Cawker City and along the dike by the lake and I don’t even have to worry about traffic.  I am grateful for the Linear Trail in my 2nd home city of Manhattan.  I appreciate that both are free to use.

This brings me back to the beginning.   The Saturday night in which this humbling realization popped into my head.  There’s something about finding out where you don’t fit that feels good.  Get you closer to where you do fit. 

I sat at an outside patio table at a bar in Westport drinking “the worst Moscow Mule I’ve ever had”. (said in a very high pitched voice)  I was people watching…practically mesmerized simply by the number of people out and about…getting their party on.  I thought “Is this their normal Saturday night thing?”.  I looked at the people sitting across from me.  This was a special occasion for us.  Great concert at the Uptown Theatre, then continued fun in doing something much different than our ‘normal’ and back to our one, shared hotel suite.  I just couldn’t imagine that Saturday night being my normal.

I am grateful for my simple life right now.  I’m not sure that Cawker City is where I want to stay forever, nor do I know where I would want to be if I was not here.  What I do know is that I appreciate it now and I’m closer to knowing where I might be later by recognizing where I do not fit.



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